dark moments

when all is quiet , when all is still
the thoughts, they come, against my will
places in my mind , places that I fear
nobody knows, nobody knows
when i am done laughing where my mind goes
when all is quiet , my body still
when i am alone , who can i call, on the telephone
pain so faded , it sprouts anew a new wound on my heart
it threatens to tear my papaer mache world apart

el disco

bright lights , music bumping
new shoes , lip gloss, the feel of leather
expectations
I dance with my body , no limitations
a smile , a beautiful face , no words
bright lights music bumping
eye contact , sweet concoction
new, fast, breathe, exhale, swing , dream
movement, rhythm
walk away alone
close the door , start the engine , drive , free, single
end to nite out

remorse

And what if i leave you standing alone as you have left me many times before
and what if the days comes when you feel as i did the day you forced my hand
and what if one day like a lightbulb u understand why i was crying , why i was angry
and what if one day you see me naked in your eyes , me , just me as i have always been
and what if one day you can love me for me , love me as me
and what if one day you can join me to see where it is that i go when i die
and what if one day you could see my life , playing before you like a silent film
and what if one day you are reading my words as my soul floats to heaven
what if one day u regret that you never apologized to me now, me as a child, what if one day you decide that i was worth an emotion, that i was worth compassion, that i deserved better
and what if you never , ever get the chance to see my eyes again or hear my voice

thoughts

the outline of her body is stiff, rigid
she is deep in thought
she is walking that same path she's walked so many days and nights before
why she torments herself this way, she doesn't know
bravely she walks all the way to the edge , there she faces her pain
she ponders it's strength , marvels at the fact that it won't fade and it never leaves
seeing it, still there, a part of her
she holds onto herself cuz it's all she has and continues on her journey...

a prayer for u

she so young taken away from everything bad and bad that she ever knew
she can't let go and still holds onto that day and many after that day as she grew
days and months and years passed by her tears , her fears
many times she felt as if she was standing alone
she never saw the shadows of those that stood behind her, those that loved her
one day she met a love, true and strong and good
he made her laugh ,made her feel safe, changed her mood
one day a new life is created they were excited and they waited
a chance to make things right again, new again , and then
sudden emptiness inside her womb, pain inside her heart so sharp it will tear her apart
he holds her forever but she still feels it , still feels the loss it's cold, it's harsh , it hurts
it's now become the beginning of all the pain she ever knew , all the loss she has ever felt
this loss has opened the door to all the things she kept inside locked away
Now that she is empty of life inside she feels everything at once, she wants to die
if she can believe in the power above, if she can believe that she is loved she can be happy again , live happy for once
she must push ahead , with renewed strength , with her heart, with her love , she must move on , she must fight
life will visit you again , i promise you , you will feel whole for once in your life, i promise you

silent

silent, like the ocean, angry, crashing on the rocks
silent like the future words of an unborn child
I have been silent against you
silent , like the bond between to old and graying lovers holding hands tightly, quietly
silent, i haven't looked into your eyes for so long
i wouldn't know how to ask, i am silent
silent like the roar of deep and dark depression
silent , like the pain thatburns, kills a soul within
silence on that long road to find you , to meet up with you, to see you
i have to ask you, have you any regret?
i have to know, does it hurt you , what you did to me, how you hurt me?
i am alone, i am empty sometimes
i am silent

to a love

please don't go away from me
please, when my anger rolls over you like a thunderstorm and the rain blocks out the sun
Please still see me
when i shutdown and go away inside of me , underground
please love me and come to find me
when i awaken chilled and afraid from a nightmare filled with scenes from the past
please be there next to me to soothe me and to hold me
me the hateful one
I the frustrated one
me the sad one forever being that sad girl
please don't go away when my roller coaster of emotions has exhausted you
please remember me laughing and free
when we first met, that was me ,the real me
please don't forget that girl , brown eyes, goofy smile, holding your hand, that's me
when i am afraid ,please come to me , please look for me, please come and find me
when i scream that i don't love you when i say that i hate you , please don't remember
please always have the ability to forgive me on the dark days and share with me all my sunny days , because i do , always love you